2009: A Recap

A year in memorable moments.

--Making taco dip for a Superbowl Party and trespassing on railroad tracks in Lynchburg!
--Six Word Memoirs.
--On belay. Belay on. Climbing. Climb on!
--An after party.
--Mexican party and losing a Bible.
--Dinners at Douglas
--The birth of a certain Emma!
--Roaring 20s birthday party with talented friends.
--Tuesdays at Founders.
--Hiking and Camping at Nordhouse.
--An unexpected detour with a friend.
--The ripples of doubt in my faith expand waves.
--I'm going to be an aunt!
--Spending time with my favorite (Avett) brothers.
--Two countries, six states, and a multitude of laughs.
--Hiking part of the AT!
--Self-sustaining behavior: gardening and canning.
--Rhode Island and a dip in the ocean
--Bounce Party!
--100 miles of yard sales and The Raven
--Toy Story 1 and 2...in 3D
--I'm getting a new sister!
--A movie under the stars.
--Observing the murder and the mystery.
--Explosions of theology.
--Free art!
--BBQ: Nashville Style.
--Costumes and dancing!
--Sushi and Saki.
--Someone hit me. I hit something.
--Second engagement. Second dress.
--Chester and Charlie
--A change of roommates.
--NYE!

Current Roomates

Thusday April 29, 2004

The fencing tournament is today and then Tiff and I have out premier. Oooo it's going o be so much fun.
I just dried my hair and it's really soft. Because I'm fencing and then going to the premier, I'm going to be crunched for time. I;m going to wear my pink polka dotted shirt and gray pants. The school year is almost done. There's only one more Thursday and then I'll be a junior. How crazy is that? What a crazy yea. In so many ways it's been the total opposite of last year. I'll be living in Pickett, DCing, and making my documentary. How exciting. I still really can't believe it's happening. Me making a real film? How crazy is that? I've never been excited about a career like this. Plans are also rolling along for my internship this summer (I pray I can handel it).

Feb 14, 2004

Katie, Tiff, and Tiff's sister and I watched Mystery Science Theatre 3000. Hee Hee Hee. Is was so funny. "Help I'm being attacked by puppets."

--We watched Hobgoblins.

Faith and the Intellectual

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704597704574487532250568304.html

March 17, 2003

This could end up being a very important date. One for the history books. We are going to war. Within 48 hrs something big is going to happen. That's how long Bush had given Sadam Hosane to leave Iraq. It's scary. I feel an impending attack. Something is coming. I feel it. It feels wierd that I was in Washington two days ago.

August 24, 2002

Tomorrow is college. Why is everyone so excited and I'm scared? No one seems to feel the way I do. I know you (God) love and will take care o me but why doesn't my heart KNOW? Lord, I really need your strength. Thank you. Suddenly you made me thing of the taking one day at a time. Asking what does God want me to do today? I want peace that passes understanding. I'm getting there. Lord, please help me to remember everything. Everything I've learned, everything you've told me. It's like my brian focuses on the world (worring), but my heart is yours. Both just need to get in tune.

May 19, 2002

I graduated from high school today. I am now an alumni of Vestaburg High School.

November 20, 2001

Oh, I should mention I got accepted to Cornerstone.

September 11, 2001

I know it;s been so long since I wrote in here but I had to write today. It's 10:00. America was attacked today. It so unreal. I came out of first hour and Lois and Amber told me that two planes had crashes into the World Trade Center. I rushed to Mrs. Murphy's room where I stayed glued to the TV for about three hours. Two commercial jets, one carrying 92 and the other something like 78 crashed into each tower f the WTC. Then another jet with appoximatly 68 people crashed into the Pentagon. Then another jet crashed in Pennsylvania After the two planes hit the WTC one tower totally collapsed and about 20mins later the other one collapsed the same way. It;s so unreal. The worst act of terrorism since Pearl Harbor. There are so many stories. People jumping from 100 stories up. A fireman witnessed a fellow fireman die when he had a body fall on him. People in wheelchairs had no way of getting down because the elevators shut down. A woman had just got confirmation that her husband was alright when the tower he was in collasped. A flight attendent called someone about the terrorist and told the seat number of one of them, It's so horrific.

Rooted

And I pray
that you,
being rooted and established
in LOVE,
may have
power,
together with with all the saints,
to grasp
how wide

and

long

and

high

and

deep

is the LOVE of Christ,
and to know this
LOVE that surpasses knowledge
--that you may be filled to the measure
of all the fullness of
GOD.

Jan 1, 2000

I've been journaling since 6th grade and I thought it would be fun and a little fitting as we leave the '00s to revisit a few memorable post from age 15-25. This one was written in a Pokemon notebook! :D

*I've decided to leave the typos in!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! It's 2000. It really doesn't feel any different, but no one siad it was going to. This is the only resolotion I have so far: Stop critising. Actially I'm not sure if I critisize all that much. It just came to me in the bathroom. I cleaned a little and watch a lot of So Weird episodes. Last night Auntie B came over and we watched Notting Hill (good), I'll Be Home For Christmas (funny) and Inspector Gadget (fell asleep). We had thes really good non-alcholic drinks!

Guess Who's Engaged?

Friendships are very important to me. Probably one of the things I spend most of my time on, yet in all that, it's common to forget how grateful I am for them. I'm thankful when friends include me in their lives and want to be included in mine. Lives are meant to be shared!

This brings my bridesmaid involvement up to 7! It's humbling. Truly!

The Peace of Wild Things

by Wendell Berry

When despair for the world grows in me

and I wake in the night at the least sound

in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,

I go and lie down where the wood drake

rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.

I come into the peace of wild things

who do not tax their lives with forethought

of grief. I come into the presence of still water.

And I feel above me the day-blind stars

waiting with their light. For a time

I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

Voice

Hello? Is anyone listening? I'd like to say something.

It's not that I don't have an opinion. I'm just out of practice at giving it. My voice has never been loud and often not asked for, so for years I sat and let my thoughts collect on themselves and along the way never really learned how to properly express myself. My insecurities creep up and I remain silent to appease the lies they tell me.

"No one else thinks that." "What authority do you have?" "You'll be a hypocrite if you say that."

I've grown tired of being silent and through writing I'm finding my voice again. It's sounds distant at time and a little weak, but I'm strengthened in my weaknesses.

So, what is it I want to say? Listen and I'll tell you.

What I Like

--The cutting of the corn.
--Walking in the fields.
--Traipsing through the woods.

Heard Susan Isaacs speak last night and I would love to pick up her book. Now if only I had time to read the books I already have.

Pumpkin Carving!

Emma, Michael, Katie, Lisa, Daphne, and Jordan + Daniel (taking the picture)

ArtPrize

Super excited!

Five Questions for Challenging Mistaken Beliefs

Found this very helpful this week, so I thought I'd pass it along.

1. What is the evidence for this belief? Looking objectively at all of your life experience, what is the evidence that this is true.

2. Does this belief invariably or always hold true for you?

3. Does this belief look at the whole picture? Does it take into account both positive and negative ramifications?

4. Does this promote your well-being and/or peace of mind?

5. Did you choose this belief on your own or did it develop out of your own experience of growing up in your family?

Labor (less) Day Weekend

My camera cord is broken and thus I have been unable to upload pictures from the weekend, but here are some taken at Lisa's Birthday Weekend (photographed by Lisa Anderson).

Watching a movie in Andy's backyard Saturday night.
(I helped roll out this sod a few weeks earlier)

The Birthday Party on Sunday night. Held at Sparrows.

New Dress

Finale

Rhode Island

THE THING THAT EATS THE HEART

The thing that eats the heart comes wild with years.
It died last night, or was it wounds before,
But somehow crawls around, inflamed with need,
Jingling its medals at the fang-scratched door.

We were not unprepared: with lamp and book
We sought the wisdom of another age
Until we heard the action of the bolt.
A little wind investigates the page.

No use pretending to the pitch of sleep;
By turnings we are known, our times and dates
Examined in the courts of either/or
While armless griefs mount lewd and headless doubts.

It pounces in the dark, all pity-ripe,
An enemy as soft as tears or cancer,
In whose embrace we fall, as to a sickness
Whose toxins in our cells cry sin and danger.

Hero of crossroads, how shall we defend
This creature-lump whose charity is art
When its own self turns Christian-cannibal?
The thing that eats the heart is mostly heart.

~Stanley Kunitz

It's Over

So apparently after months and months of intense processing my brain has finally called it quits. A dull headache has accompanied me since last night and while that might have been chalked up to my first margarita, it did not explain the continuation into today. All I can surmise is that my brain is fried and this is it's form of protest. Reading, journaling, thinking...headache. Sitting and doing nothing...no headache. Writing this entry...a little bit of a headache.

Okay brain...you win. You can have the rest of the night off.

The Summer of Domestic Bliss

Domestic Goals This Summer
1. Plant a garden...check
2. Learn to can...check
3. Sew something...need to find a sewing machine.

Goal #2 was accomplished tonight with the helpful advice of Paige. A few nights ago I had a dream where I found peaches for $.99 and HAD to get to Paige's because she had the canning jars. The funny thing is I did find $.99 peaches and Paige did have the canning jars. Sometimes dreams do come true kids!

Ho-Ho-Ho-Hosanna

Calming Emma down with a good, old-fashioned Sunday School song

Ireland: One Year Out

Forgiveness: The Art

Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
Matthew 6: 12

Two post in two days...I know!

Throughout most of my high school days I held onto a grudge. A boy who I perceived to have hurt a close friend and who I frankly did not like, held a place of contempt in my mind. Since we frequented the same places, I could not avoid him completely, but when I did see him, I let my passive revenge works it way out in rude comments, the cold shoulder, and even a hard slap across the face while getting "too into character" for a drama club skit. I saw him less frequently in the years that followed and then not at all. He very seldom came to mind, unless someone spoke about forgiveness. Immediately his face would materialize, even into my early twenties. At first it shocked me that years later, even after falling away from the friend who had received the wrong, this boy's actions were still a part of me. I cannot remember exactly when I forgave him, but this story always comes to mind when I hear sermons on forgiveness like I did today...twice.

Forgiveness is something I try to do well. Though, when asked who needs forgiveness in my life, it wasn't too hard to conjure up new faces. Past and present. Perceived hurts or actual. I suppose it doesn't matter in the realm of forgiveness.

This morning the teacher spoke about forgiveness as suffering. He taught that forgiveness means refusing to make them pay for what they did. In this way you are absorbing the debt...taking away it's power. This absorption can be painful...deep hurts and wounds call out for revenge; vengeance. They want payment. This suffering (this forgiveness) can sometimes feel like death, but it is the death that leads to resurrection. It is suffering that refines and makes you new.

Though both sermons were about offering forgiveness, the idea of suffering and resurrection can also be applied to asking for forgiveness. There came a point where I realized I had hurt someone deeply and often deliberately. Four years of brokenness lay between us. BUT forgiveness has a way of fixing broken things or at least stopping any further break down. Someone granting you forgiveness can be a lot like a resurrection.

My hope is that these new faces do not linger as long as that boy's did, or that it takes less time to ask for forgiveness...to live well and forgive well.

She'll Be Coming Around the Mountain

Two countries, seven states, and nine days. Wanda bravely carried me over bridges, down and up mountains, and through an unsuspecting field. This trip proved to be quite the adventure, but more then that, a time of relaxation and reflection. Here are some highlights:

Authentic Buffalo Wings at Duff's

Climbing the Peace Bridge...in a dress...like a lady.

Avett Brother's Concert in Rochester, NY

African Lion Safari in Hamilton, Ontario

Monkey's so close, I could have stolen one...sorry Katie.

Camping alone and sleeping on gravel in Maryland

Driving around in someone's field after attempting to find a Vista.

Appalachian Trail-First Attempt
Foiled by rain.

AT-Second Attempt
Foiled by unbelievable fog, a $15 park fee, and a rest stop out of a horror movie.

The White Heart, Lynchburg, VA

Hammocking!

Foamhendge, Natural Bridge, VA.
Yes, it's exactly what you think it is.

AT-Third Attempt
Success!

Don't tell me mom, but after walking for quite some time I realized, both my cell phone and pepper stray were back in the car. Safety LAST!

Adventures

As I climbed to the top of Aurthur's Seat in Edinburgh the magnitude of this accomplishment began to dawn on me. Not only had I traversed the crags and hills that led to the top, I had done it on my own. With not nearly enough water and a little adrenalin (thanks creepy old man), the views of the city became more and more visible until I could see the hills of the surrounding counties and the bay behind me. Sitting on top of the peak I traced the ways in which I had come to be here. On my own. In a strange city. With such joy.

The life changing adventure of last summer has inspired me to pack up and try one on this continent. I'm looking forward to time spent alone in reflection and prayer; pondering questions and trying to figure out where I'm at. Time spent with friends; refreshing laughter and talks from the soul. A time to shake off the day to day and find a place of renewal.

GR, I like you, but I need some time away from you right now. The open road is calling...

The plan:
Friday: Depart. Tiffani. Red Wings.
Saturday: The Raven. Canada. The Crandells
Sunday: Maggie. Lucy. The Avett Brother.
Monday: African. Lion. Saffari.
Tuesday: Pennsylvania. Maryland. Camping.
Wednesday: Hiking. AT. The Burg.
Thursday: Jes. Jeremy. Jon.
Friday: Anything. Is. Possible.
Saturday: Mountains. Brian Bailey. Alamo Royal.
Sunday: Sabbath. The Road. Return.

Hugs

I wish my hugs could alleviate pain.

I wish my hugs could make things
whole and
good and
right.

I wish my hugs would eliminate tears.

All I have are these two arms and I'll do as much as I can with them, but sometimes I wish they could do a whole lot more.

The Start of Something Good

*What I See

Summer's coming and the possibilities are exciting. Trips, Festivals, and Camping on the horizon. Yes!

*What I Grow

Saturday, I rode my bike the 3.5 miles to the Farmer's Market to purchase plants for my annual patio garden. Two types of tomatoes and some peppers, safely made it home in my backpack. I also made it safely home, but almost had a run in with a pile-on thanks to the wind. Sunday I road 4.5 miles to a friend's house. This time in a skirt. Even with shorts underneath, Grand Rapids saw a lot of my thighs that day.

*What I Did

Tonight Emma and I participated in the Ride of Silence. 12 miles at 12 mph to honor bikers that have been injured or killed on the road and also to highlight the message, "Share the Road." The night was especially poignant as earlier today a biker was hit and killed a block away from our house.

Fear to Love

1 John 3: 21-24
²¹Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God ²²and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him. ²³And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us. ²⁴Those who obey his commands live in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us.

1 John 4:16b-18
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. ¹⁷In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. ¹⁸There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

May, thus far, has been an emotional month. Many feeling from December surfaced and once again I'm wrestling through issues of spirituality and religion. In retrospect, these issues have been simmering since January, but in a sudden burst they overflowed last weekend. At the same time, holding on to something I once enjoyed, I turned to the three books of John in the Bible. Nothing really struck me as I read through the first chapters, merely taking it in as a discipline. Then the above two passages caught my eye. Rereading them, thoughts started to form, but nothing too concrete. Sunday, we read the latter of the two scriptures in church and it seemed hardly coincidental.

Many of these internal struggles come from fear of doing something wrong...choosing something wrong...the fear that God's punishment will be upon me, so I better not mess up. That's what was so freeing about the beginning of this year as I explored grace, the sense that God had me and was not letting go. Fear has a way of making you forget grace. So instead of focusing on the fact that I've identified what's driving these feelings, I've begun to think about perfect love. It's what drives out fear and boy do I want this fear driven out. Fear paralizes you and robs you. Fear takes good and perfect and distorts it, telling you false things and stealing your hope.

Maybe following Jesus is more about love than doctrines and rules. This seems like a freeing thought and I've asked God, who is perfect love, to reveal this to me.

Perfect love. Love others. Love God.

An Email Exchange

This one should be read from the bottom up.

---

From: Amanda Waldron
To: 'Caitlin Mackenzie'
Subject: RE: what the what

Ha! I'm forwarding this to myself so I can put it on my blog...like a nerd!

---

From: Caitlin Mackenzie
To: Amanda Waldron
Subject: RE: what the what

This one especially: David = Collin Farrell

Scrappy little guy that can slay a giant, yet charming enough to steal your wife, have you murdered and make a convincing tearfull repentance.

---

From: Amanda Waldron
To: Caitlin Mackenzie
Subject: RE: what the what

You're one step ahead of me again.

---

From: Caitlin Mackenzie
To: Amanda Waldron
Subject: RE: what the what

I like the comments.

Caitlin Mackenzie

---

From: Amanda Waldron
To: Caitlin Mackenzie
Subject: RE: what the what

This made me laugh and it's safe for you to look at:

http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com/2009/05/536-having-very-specific-idea-of-what.html

---

From: Caitlin Mackenzie
To: Amanda Waldron
Subject: RE: what the what

Hehe. I know

---

From: Amanda Waldron
To: Caitlin Mackenzie
Subject: RE: what the what

Stop teasing me. I cannot watch YouTube at work.

---

From: Caitlin Mackenzie
To: Amanda Waldron
Subject: RE: what the what

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljtuGoIIKGs

I’m SO EXCITED, I’m SO EXCITED, I’m SO… scared

---

From: Amanda Waldron
To: Caitlin Mackenzie
Subject: RE: what the what

I would stay up late for that. ZACK ATTACK!

---

From: Caitlin Mackenzie
To: Amanda Waldron
Subject: what the what

http://www.pastemagazine.com/articles/2009/05/jimmy-fallon-pushes-for-saved-by-the-bell-reunion.html

And also this...

Simple Faith

There was a time that faith came so simply and I did not question what I learned or was taught. Simple. Simple. It seems like a long time ago and I sometimes wish I could go back to how I believed before, but life is a journey and circumstances change, perspective change, experience changes you. When these changes come you must again reevaluate where you stand. It may be a subtle difference or one that you've seem coming. Either way the change is change and you have to rediscover how that fits in.

This song by Brandon Hayes seemed to herald my journey in December and I found myself drawing to it once again, a little unwillingly. As I've referenced before December was a pretty dark month and to feel a connection with this song again stirs up those memories. However, I think that may have more to do with putting questions of faith on the back burner and trying to live out and through grace. Perhaps now is a time to check on what's been cooking since then.

If I had a map, my eyes would never leave it.
I'd delicately unfold it and sing the liturgy as I read it.

And this is the way, "walk ye in it",
And never turn from it to the right side or the left.

And what kind of voice would it take for me to listen,
Crying in the wilderness or weeping in a garden
Would it take a flaming sword
For me not to question every word?

[Chorus]
Well I use to dance, leaping and twirling.
My small room was a meadow
and I ate the grain from the wheat
to the glory of God.

And I used to dance
when beauty was a feeling
Not a competition that I might be losing.
When grace was in the eyes and never on a stage


And I'm forfeiting dreams because I can't quite explain them
With vague directions it's hard to know when you're lost

And I'm giving my laughs to mass entertainment
And I'm giving my tears to what doesn't deserve them

Loving with lust and I'm praying with a foul mouth
Worshiping idols and building my dream house on foundation of sand
And serving my stomach

[Chorus]
But I use to dance, leaping and twirling.
My small room was a meadow
and I ate the grain from the wheat
to the glory of God.

And I used to dance
when beauty was a feeling
And not a competition that I might be losing.
When grace was in the eyes and never on a stage.

"Spring shows what God can do with a drab and dirty world." ~Virgil A. Kraft

Camping: Fellas, Fires, and Falls

The 2009 camping season has commenced! Friday night Ann, Katie, Emma, Michael, Andy, and I loaded up two Ford Explorers with everything (including Dixie, Andy's dog) and headed toward the Huron Manistee National Forest/Nordhouse Dunes. This is Ann, Katie, and I's forth year camping together and our first time going with guys.

We had planned to leave between 5:00-5:30, but due to some complication did not get on the road until 8p. This is what I looked like as I waited.

About a 1/2 hour into the trip, one of the containers on Andy's truck flew open and his coat fell unto the highway. Emma and I, driving behind them, turned around and Emma retrieved it from the middle of the highway (safety was always first). We got to the campsite around 11p and found a group of Boy Scouts had the same idea to camp.

I met my goal of starting my first campfire. Here I go.

Michael and I helping Andy prepare for Egg Mash.

Trying to crack eggs like Audrey Hepburn in Sabrina.

We spent most of Saturday morning on the beach.
Dixie loved it!

Dixie is also a rule breaker

Michael telling a story about worms. I only caught the tail end.

A man and his dog.

After lunch we hiked 2+ miles to try and fish at Nordhouse Lake.

I cast my line over a tree and then got the hook caught in a tree in the water.

Trying to get the line out of the branch and then getting stuck in the tree

From a lookout we saw two porcupines in a tree. Who knew they could climb?
For few tense moments we thought they may be bear cubs.

After our hike, and while we waited for the fire to burn to coals, Andy said, "Let's do some team building.
Team Building = trying to break this log with physics

We're hesitant.


We didn't accomplish what we sat out to do but had a great time doing it.

Katie and I consoling each other.

Saturday night tradition: Kabobs!

As usual it rained Sunday morning and I bolted awake realizing I had left my camera outside. I'm thinking about writing to Nikon and commending them for the resilience of their product!

It was interesting to see the new group dynamics that the guys brought. It's definitely different, but something I could probably get very used to. I'm sure they could say the same thing about camping with girls. Whoo Hoo!

More photos here.