Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.Two post in two days...I know!
Matthew 6: 12
Throughout most of my high school days I held onto a grudge. A boy who I perceived to have hurt a close friend and who I frankly did not like, held a place of contempt in my mind. Since we frequented the same places, I could not avoid him completely, but when I did see him, I let my passive revenge works it way out in rude comments, the cold shoulder, and even a hard slap across the face while getting "too into character" for a drama club skit. I saw him less frequently in the years that followed and then not at all. He very seldom came to mind, unless someone spoke about forgiveness. Immediately his face would materialize, even into my early twenties. At first it shocked me that years later, even after falling away from the friend who had received the wrong, this boy's actions were still a part of me. I cannot remember exactly when I forgave him, but this story always comes to mind when I hear sermons on forgiveness like I did today...twice.
Forgiveness is something I try to do well. Though, when asked who needs forgiveness in my life, it wasn't too hard to conjure up new faces. Past and present. Perceived hurts or actual. I suppose it doesn't matter in the realm of forgiveness.
This morning the teacher spoke about forgiveness as suffering. He taught that forgiveness means refusing to make them pay for what they did. In this way you are absorbing the debt...taking away it's power. This absorption can be painful...deep hurts and wounds call out for revenge; vengeance. They want payment. This suffering (this forgiveness) can sometimes feel like death, but it is the death that leads to resurrection. It is suffering that refines and makes you new.
Though both sermons were about offering forgiveness, the idea of suffering and resurrection can also be applied to asking for forgiveness. There came a point where I realized I had hurt someone deeply and often deliberately. Four years of brokenness lay between us. BUT forgiveness has a way of fixing broken things or at least stopping any further break down. Someone granting you forgiveness can be a lot like a resurrection.
My hope is that these new faces do not linger as long as that boy's did, or that it takes less time to ask for forgiveness...to live well and forgive well.
