The Start of Something Good

*What I See

Summer's coming and the possibilities are exciting. Trips, Festivals, and Camping on the horizon. Yes!

*What I Grow

Saturday, I rode my bike the 3.5 miles to the Farmer's Market to purchase plants for my annual patio garden. Two types of tomatoes and some peppers, safely made it home in my backpack. I also made it safely home, but almost had a run in with a pile-on thanks to the wind. Sunday I road 4.5 miles to a friend's house. This time in a skirt. Even with shorts underneath, Grand Rapids saw a lot of my thighs that day.

*What I Did

Tonight Emma and I participated in the Ride of Silence. 12 miles at 12 mph to honor bikers that have been injured or killed on the road and also to highlight the message, "Share the Road." The night was especially poignant as earlier today a biker was hit and killed a block away from our house.

Fear to Love

1 John 3: 21-24
²¹Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God ²²and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him. ²³And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us. ²⁴Those who obey his commands live in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us.

1 John 4:16b-18
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. ¹⁷In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. ¹⁸There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

May, thus far, has been an emotional month. Many feeling from December surfaced and once again I'm wrestling through issues of spirituality and religion. In retrospect, these issues have been simmering since January, but in a sudden burst they overflowed last weekend. At the same time, holding on to something I once enjoyed, I turned to the three books of John in the Bible. Nothing really struck me as I read through the first chapters, merely taking it in as a discipline. Then the above two passages caught my eye. Rereading them, thoughts started to form, but nothing too concrete. Sunday, we read the latter of the two scriptures in church and it seemed hardly coincidental.

Many of these internal struggles come from fear of doing something wrong...choosing something wrong...the fear that God's punishment will be upon me, so I better not mess up. That's what was so freeing about the beginning of this year as I explored grace, the sense that God had me and was not letting go. Fear has a way of making you forget grace. So instead of focusing on the fact that I've identified what's driving these feelings, I've begun to think about perfect love. It's what drives out fear and boy do I want this fear driven out. Fear paralizes you and robs you. Fear takes good and perfect and distorts it, telling you false things and stealing your hope.

Maybe following Jesus is more about love than doctrines and rules. This seems like a freeing thought and I've asked God, who is perfect love, to reveal this to me.

Perfect love. Love others. Love God.

An Email Exchange

This one should be read from the bottom up.

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From: Amanda Waldron
To: 'Caitlin Mackenzie'
Subject: RE: what the what

Ha! I'm forwarding this to myself so I can put it on my blog...like a nerd!

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From: Caitlin Mackenzie
To: Amanda Waldron
Subject: RE: what the what

This one especially: David = Collin Farrell

Scrappy little guy that can slay a giant, yet charming enough to steal your wife, have you murdered and make a convincing tearfull repentance.

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From: Amanda Waldron
To: Caitlin Mackenzie
Subject: RE: what the what

You're one step ahead of me again.

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From: Caitlin Mackenzie
To: Amanda Waldron
Subject: RE: what the what

I like the comments.

Caitlin Mackenzie

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From: Amanda Waldron
To: Caitlin Mackenzie
Subject: RE: what the what

This made me laugh and it's safe for you to look at:

http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com/2009/05/536-having-very-specific-idea-of-what.html

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From: Caitlin Mackenzie
To: Amanda Waldron
Subject: RE: what the what

Hehe. I know

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From: Amanda Waldron
To: Caitlin Mackenzie
Subject: RE: what the what

Stop teasing me. I cannot watch YouTube at work.

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From: Caitlin Mackenzie
To: Amanda Waldron
Subject: RE: what the what

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljtuGoIIKGs

I’m SO EXCITED, I’m SO EXCITED, I’m SO… scared

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From: Amanda Waldron
To: Caitlin Mackenzie
Subject: RE: what the what

I would stay up late for that. ZACK ATTACK!

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From: Caitlin Mackenzie
To: Amanda Waldron
Subject: what the what

http://www.pastemagazine.com/articles/2009/05/jimmy-fallon-pushes-for-saved-by-the-bell-reunion.html

And also this...

Simple Faith

There was a time that faith came so simply and I did not question what I learned or was taught. Simple. Simple. It seems like a long time ago and I sometimes wish I could go back to how I believed before, but life is a journey and circumstances change, perspective change, experience changes you. When these changes come you must again reevaluate where you stand. It may be a subtle difference or one that you've seem coming. Either way the change is change and you have to rediscover how that fits in.

This song by Brandon Hayes seemed to herald my journey in December and I found myself drawing to it once again, a little unwillingly. As I've referenced before December was a pretty dark month and to feel a connection with this song again stirs up those memories. However, I think that may have more to do with putting questions of faith on the back burner and trying to live out and through grace. Perhaps now is a time to check on what's been cooking since then.

If I had a map, my eyes would never leave it.
I'd delicately unfold it and sing the liturgy as I read it.

And this is the way, "walk ye in it",
And never turn from it to the right side or the left.

And what kind of voice would it take for me to listen,
Crying in the wilderness or weeping in a garden
Would it take a flaming sword
For me not to question every word?

[Chorus]
Well I use to dance, leaping and twirling.
My small room was a meadow
and I ate the grain from the wheat
to the glory of God.

And I used to dance
when beauty was a feeling
Not a competition that I might be losing.
When grace was in the eyes and never on a stage


And I'm forfeiting dreams because I can't quite explain them
With vague directions it's hard to know when you're lost

And I'm giving my laughs to mass entertainment
And I'm giving my tears to what doesn't deserve them

Loving with lust and I'm praying with a foul mouth
Worshiping idols and building my dream house on foundation of sand
And serving my stomach

[Chorus]
But I use to dance, leaping and twirling.
My small room was a meadow
and I ate the grain from the wheat
to the glory of God.

And I used to dance
when beauty was a feeling
And not a competition that I might be losing.
When grace was in the eyes and never on a stage.